I think I needa talk to myself

I peeked at my phone screen
and there were missed calls..
all from my dear mother.

Yeah..I was late for home again.

I started to think..
Shit,they'll go insane and screw me, lecture me like fuck again.
And there they go,my dad called.
I picked up,he shouted at me for lying to them and I shouted back to protest.
Deep inside,
I know they were just worried.

5 minutes later..
I was home.
Outside of the house,I could hear my sis talking to my Mom trying to help me out.
I walked in,
I saw my dad shake his head,my sis shake her finger.
But my mom didn't even glance at me.

This is odd.
Only silence.
Except for my dog's barking,of course.

I lied on my bed..
and started to think.

What did I do lately?What did I say lately?Am I being offensive lately?Am I being sarcastic lately?Am I selfish?Did I treat my family right?Did i treat my friends well?
To be dismay,all the negatives are positive ..

Who am I?
I started to wonder...

Lately,
I expect people to treat me better .
When I look at someone who has a better live than mine,
I started to be jealous and blame my parents for everything.
I did not care about others' thought or feeling anymore.

I want BETTER.

I started to be arrogant and proud when I achieved what I want.
Later,I even started to look down at people and bitch about 'em.
Like what I'm doing now,
telling the world how slutty am I.

Afterward I ask myself,
do I have the right to comment people like this?
Or sometimes,my friends just simply reminded me of that.
I really appreciated that.

Kaka says : ' Girls always think a lot.'

I admit it,it's very true.
Yet I can't hold myself to stop the brain cells from being tossed and turned around which might get me self-conscious.

I regretted for treating my family like enemy.
Always thought that they don't love me and etc.
You know,some adolescent-immature-nonsense-thinking.
They are always be there for me ,just that I don't really realize.
When I got into trouble,there will be always a home for me to be my shelve.

They shout.
Just because they love me at their own way.
Or else why they wouldn't waste their life, raising me up ,teach me how to talk,teach me how to learn.

I guess I should change.
Change to be a better person.
To get a better and happy life.
Live life to the fullest.

I'm learning.

But we know
We learn,
that's what every living creature does.

I'm feeling kinda disgusted while typing this and reading it again.
LOL
I'm not writing an essay to please this boring page either.
I wrote it because I wanted it to keep me as a reminder.